I have a sister

14 Apr

Sorry it has been some time since my last post.
Anyway. I have a sister, Kate.  When I found out I was going to have a sibling the conversation went something like this…
“Ashlie, sweetheart. Mommy and daddy have to tell you something.” Mom cooed.
“What? You have presents for me?” (I was an obnoxious child)
“No love, you have going to have a new baby brother or baby sister” mom said way too excitedly.
“Don’t we already have a cat?”

From that point on I knew this was going to be a long journey.
When the day came that early october morning in 87′ I was pissed. I went to the hospital and strutted my adorable blonde curly haired three year old self down the hallway. There we found mom she was holding the squishy faced baby with black hair.
“Can’t you put it back?” I asked.
Mom then handed me some fug looking doll that seriously resembled the alien she was cuddling.
“What is this thing?” I asked.
“It’s a present from your sister” mom claimed.
“That is ridiculous” I said as a turned my heels (which were adorable little rain boots) and marched out of the room.

Then something changed inside me, instead of hate and resentment I found a new found acceptance of my little sister once I realized I could blame all the dumb shit I did on her…and I could smack her around when she pissed me off. Basically I was a pimp, minus the sex and sweet grills/fur coats/canes.

I recall a specific instance when I was 8 and she was 5, we were visiting my grandma’s house which was lamecity. I mean she had one of those tvs that still had the turny knob things, boring. I always pictured grandmas like mrs. Claus…there were no cookies…there were no reindeer. So I decided I wanted ice cream and there was this adorable little ice cream shop right down the street. I asked my mom, she told me no. What the hell? How could you deny your two beautiful children of the wonder that is delicious ice cream with sprinkles and whipped cream? So I said fuck that mom (probably not really) and I made Kate go and find my mom’s purse, then retrieve her wallet from said purse. We opened it up…saw no cash, but there were a few credit cards. I told Kate that they were like magic, free money for people who held these plastic cards from heaven. We waddled down the street to the ice cream shop. I asked for two cones with sprinkles and not just any sprinkles…the rainbow kind. The cones were finished and looked glorious waiting there for us. I handed the cashier the plastic free money card. The cashier laughed and asked if my mother knew I had this. I said yes of course, I am a very responsible eigh..err…ten year old. (This was only the beginning of me lying about my age) she then called my grandma’s which erupted a series of unfortunate events. Kate and I had the shit beat out of us, I tried to blame Kate like I normally would, but this time she didn’t believe me…this time she knew I concocted this evil ice cream plan. So that was the end of my tyranny over my little sister, which sucked cause I could have used a few more years of a personal servant.

That is Kate now——>

And this is only the beginning of our hijinks together for the past 23 years.

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Posted by on April 14, 2011 in Uncategorized


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