I once was fired…

01 Apr

I needed a job so that I could continue going to gay dancing school (Point Park University) for my undergrad.  So I was hired to work at one of those kiosks in the middle of the mall selling skin care products.  This job would eventually lead be to being promoted to manager (I know, highly prestigious.  Working at the mall.  As a manager.  Of a kiosk.)  Anyway, of course me being the slacker I am didn’t particularly take this job seriously, I mean a feral child could have probably done a better job than I.  So I mostly read books or watched netflix on my laptop and realized what a bunch of tools the people at the apple store are.  Sorry kids, you are not cool in your skinny jeans and over sized black framed glasses.  You’re so hipster it is insane.  Anywho, I ended up hiring a friend to work under me because she was in desperate need for a job.  She had horrible breath, like what I would imagine a cat shit taco to smell like, greasy skin (like dripping wet), and was very lumpy, but hey I felt the need to help.  So after a few months of working together a manager from another mall walked up to me and handed me a yellow envelope.

Inside the envelope was the letter that informed me I was being fired.  For what?  I wasn’t sure.  I was just told to hand over my keys to the kiosk and get out.  So before I left I went into the stock room and dumped everything on the floor.  Yeah take that bitch, you’re going to have to pick everything off the floor ha ha.  Well, whatever, it was probably immature, but I was pissed. 

So later on, while filing for unemployment because I still had no clue as to why I was fired, I find out that the smelly friend employee lied majorly about me and claimed I did all these awful things.  Now, I may have hated that job and lost brain cells every time I talked to other mall employees, but I still got my job done.  In the end I got the unemployment because they company forged my signature on a bunch of documents, dumb asses.

Anyway, about a month later (after not talking to smelly mcgee) I was in the mall and I saw Stinky working as the manager.  So the cuntress lied so she could get my shitastic job.  Please, if she wanted it that bad I would have given it to her.

My anger definitely got the best of me on this one and I wanted revenge, badly.  But, how could I do that?  Key her car?  Nah it was a piece of shit.  Steal her man?  Nah he looked like a neo nazi.  Punch her in the face?  No way I would have the fried chicken grease face touching my hand.  So what else could I do…

I decided to send her shit directly to the kiosk.

I found the website and sent her elephant shit.  I had the choice of cow, elephant, and gorilla.  But I felt elephant was appropriate because her facial features sort of resembled an elephant. 

I hope she enjoyed it.  I can only imagine the fed ex guy coming up to the kiosk with a package addressed to the manager of the kiosk.  Maybe she thought it was a present from corporate or a gift from the nazi boyfriend.  She probably used a box cutter to cut the tape off and then lifted the flaps to the box.  “What is this?”  she probably said as she unwrapped the packaging.  Inside she would find one gallon of elephant shit with their business card tucked inside.

I think I won that one.


Posted by on April 1, 2011 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “I once was fired…

  1. Michelle

    April 1, 2011 at 2:15 am

    I…LOVE…THIS. I literally cracked up out loud numerous times! I cannot wait to read more of your blogs. So entertaining and awesome. That poopsenders website is hilarious. I’ve checked it out just in case I wanted to send some shit to anybody! haha

  2. Moran

    April 1, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    LOL. These stories better keep coming or im sending gorilla poop to your unknown to me address.


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